Hensel and Gretel Slayers Style
by asuka02redeva
Summary: what happens when lina and co. are forced into acting out hensel and gretel? . get ready for humor.


HANSEL AND GRETEL ~SLAYERS STYLE~  
  
  
Kim: Ok guys, it's time for me to put all of my ideas into action...and what better way to tell a fairy tale than to use you guys as my cast.  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Lina: That's really nice Kim, but we don't have time for this play of yours.  
  
Kim: Sorry Lina, but you've got to, I've had this wonderful idea for SO long.  
  
Lina: Uh...well...  
  
Kim: Great! *grabs Lina and the others*  
  
Zel: What story did you have in mind?  
  
Kim: *Smiles*  
  
Zel: When you smile like that it makes me wonder...  
  
Lina: I've got a bad feeling about this...  
  
Amelia: I hope it will be a story all about justice! *starry eyed*  
  
Gourry: Hey Lina, maybe we'll have a lead role again. I think I've gotten those moves down.  
  
Lina: *hits him upside the head* Gourry, you idiot! You were the front half of the horse last time!  
  
Zel: *sweatdrops and sighs* Let's just get on with it...  
  
Kim: Alright! The story will be "Hansel and Gretel".  
  
All: What the hell kind of a story is that?!  
  
Kim: Oh hush, it's time to cast you guys.  
  
All: *not very enthusiastic* ...Yeah...  
  
Kim: First as Hansel we have Gourry...  
  
Gourry: *blinks*  
  
Kim: As Gretel we have Lina...  
  
Lina: *sighs* At least I get to be the star of the show.  
  
Kim: As Hansel and Gretel's mother and father we have Zel and Amelia...  
  
Amelia: But that role is so tiny!  
  
Zel: Thank God, the less time I have to spend on this, the better.  
  
Kim: ...and as the witch we have Martina...  
  
Martina: WHAT?! Me as the witch? Why isn't Lina the witch?!  
  
Kim: Well....um...  
  
Lina: Hey! What's THAT supposed to mean?!  
  
Martina: *laughs* I can't play the part of the witch, I don't even resemble a witch, unlike SOME people.  
  
Lina: What?! Oh that's it!  
  
Kim: Uh...uh...time to start the play!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kim: Ok, here we go. Places! Places! *hands out their scripts and clears her throat* Once upon a time, there was a boy named Hansel who had a sister named Gretel...  
  
Lina: I have to live with him?!  
  
Kim: Hush and let me continue...anyways...their parents were having a terrible time keeping their mouths fed...  
  
Zel: What!? Didn't you just go shopping?  
  
Amelia: Yeah...*sighs*...I bought enough food for a month.  
  
Zel: Then there's only one choice...  
  
Amelia: You don't mean...  
  
Zel: I'm afraid so.  
  
Kim: ...and so the two parents had no choice but to give up their children. They had to make them leave...  
  
Zel: We'll miss you...  
  
Amelia: Just remember that we love you both...  
  
Lina: Yeah, yeah, c'mon Hansel...let's get going...*starts off*...Huh? I SAID let's go Hansel! *sweatdrops* Gourry you idiot, that's you!  
  
Gourry: Oh! Coming Lina! *takes off after her*  
  
Kim: ...so Hansel and Gretel took off into the forest, while their loving parents mourned their departure and were at a loss for words...  
  
Zel and Amelia: Woo Hoo! Food! Food! We finally get to eat!  
  
Zel: With those two gone we'll actually be able to enjoy a meal.  
  
Amelia: And with any luck they'll be lost in those woods for weeks, maybe even months!  
  
Zel: Well we wouldn't have this problem if they hadn't inherited YOUR appetite...  
  
Amelia: Huh? Mine?! What about yours?!  
  
Zel: I hardly eat a thing, compared to you...  
  
Amelia: Oh yeah?!  
  
Zel: Yeah!  
  
Kim: ...Uh...anyways...moving right along...Hansel and Gretel had decided that they needed to find some food, they had been smart enough to leave a trail of bread crumbs behind them so they could bring food back to their mother and father, once they found some....  
  
Lina: Aaaah!!! Gourry! You ate the bread crumbs?!  
  
Gourry: I was hungry and you just kept on throwing them over your shoulder, so I figured if you didn't want them than I'd eat them.  
  
Lina: You idiot! That was our only way back to our parents...*gets sentimental*...yes, our beloved parents who must be worried sick about us right now...  
  
Gourry: *sweatdrops*  
  
Zel and Amelia: *in a restaurant fine dining*  
  
Zel: *blows a noise maker*  
  
Amelia: *throws a roll of streamers*  
  
Kim: *sighs*...honestly...  
  
Lina: ...yes without us whatever will they do? What will keep them going? However will they----  
  
Gourry: *taps Lina on the shoulder*  
  
Lina: What do you want Gourry?! You're ruining my big speech!  
  
Gourry: Well you were so busy talking that I guess you didn't see that house over there made of ginger bread and other candies...*pointing*...  
  
Lina: What?! *looks over and starts to drool* Oh! It's a dream come true! *runs over to the house and starts ripping off pieces of ginger bread*  
  
Gourry: Hey! Save some for me, Lina!  
  
Kim: As the two were busy eating the candy covered house in the middle of the woods...who should peek out of her window and see them, but the evil and ugly witch...  
  
Martina: Hey! I'm not ugly! You want ugly? Look at Lina!  
  
Lina: Hey! You take that back!  
  
Martina: Make me!  
  
Lina: I think I will....  
  
Kim: *watches Lina roll up her sleeves*...yes...well....moving right along...The witch peeked out her window---  
  
All: You read that already!  
  
Kim: *sweatdrops*....I know, but....oh nevermind. She saw Hansel and Gretel eating her house and wasn't too pleased...  
  
Martina: Aaah! Curse you, Lina! First, you blow up my home in Xoana and now...now you eat my siding!  
  
Kim: *sighs*...We'll just skip that part...anyways...  
  
Lina: Hey! I was hungry and if you're so stupid to make your house out of candy and ginger bread then we're gonna be tempted to eat it. Right, Hansel?  
  
Gourry: *muffled reply* R-R-Right....*mrph*...Lina....  
  
Lina: *glares* Gourry! You ate all the licorice shutters?! Those are my favorite!  
  
Kim: *shakes her head watching Lina smack Gourry upside the head* Oh well...the witch hadn't had lunch that day and her doctor had put her on a strict diet, one child a day. With MUCH effort she finally got them to come---  
  
Martina: *holding a BIG lollipop out to Gourry* ...C'mon little boy....  
  
Gourry: *following her*  
  
Kim: *sweatdrops*....  
  
Lina: I want one! *reaches for the lollipop*  
  
Martina: Not you! *smacks Lina over the head with a candy cane* C'mon little boy...  
  
Kim: Before they knew what had happened, the witch had tricked Hansel and Gretel. She locked Hansel in a cage, it was SO hard to get him in---  
  
Martina: *throws a cookie in the cage and watches Gourry jump in*  
  
Kim: *sweatdrops*....She was planning on fattening Hansel up. She hadn't had a plump moursel for quite a while. Hansel was fed cookies, cakes, candies, and other sweets...while Gretel had to be the witch's servant. She WASN'T mean----  
  
Martina: *laughs* Do the dishes! Mop the floor! Do the laundry! Vacuume! Take out the trash! Clean the bathroom! *holds out a toothbrush and laughs* I like this story.  
  
Kim: ....Why do I even bother?  
  
Lina: *takes the toothbrush while muttering* Why...you...little....  
  
Gourry: *eating* Hey...Lina...*mph*...this...sure...is...great...  
  
Lina: Gourry...you're an idiot...  
  
Kim: One day when Hansel had become fat enough for the witch to eat, she had ordered Gretel to heat up the oven.  
  
Martina: Hey, you flat chested, poor excuse for a girl, heat up the oven!  
  
Lina: What'd you say?! *her eye twitching*  
  
Martina: *laughs* Oh, you heard me...  
  
Lina: Just making sure....Dragon....  
  
Kim: *waving hands and reading quickly* Gretel LOVED her brother Hansel SO much----  
  
Gourry: *VERY large and sitting in the cage eating cookies* Hey Lina, let's stay here forever!  
  
Lina: You idiot! She's going to eat you!  
  
Gourry: Lina, I dropped a cookie. Can you get it for me?  
  
Lina: Forget it, she can eat you...  
  
Kim: *sweatdrops* ...ok...so maybe Hansel and Gretel didn't always get along, but they still liked each other....Gretel couldn't stand the thought of having her only brother be eaten---  
  
Lina: EAT HIM! EAT HIM!  
  
Kim: *BIG SWEATDROP* ....so....she devised a plan on how to get rid of the evil witch, once and for all...  
  
Lina: *EVIL grin, as she peeks into the oven* Say, Martina....I don't know if this oven is hot enough...could you check it?  
  
Martina: Must i do EVERYTHING for you Lina?  
  
Kim: With that said, the witch walked over and peeked into the oven. Quickly Gretel pushed the witch into the oven and slammed the door.  
  
Lina: Here's where I get to pay you back for that comment about my chest. *pushes Martina into the oven*  
  
Martina: H-Help me! *pushed in* Curse you, Lina Inverse!  
  
Kim: Gretel then released Hansel from the cage.....  
  
Lina: *twirling Gourry around in the cage* You want out, fat boy?  
  
Kim: I SAID....Gretel then released Hansel from the cage...  
  
Gourry: Lina, I'm going to be sick...I think I ate too many cookies...  
  
Kim: *arms flailing* Let him out! Let him out!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kim: After a crate of slim fast and a bottle of diet pills, Hansel was back to his good old self.  
  
Lina: Gourry, you idiot! What do you mean we should have taken a left back there?!  
  
Kim: At least he was better physically...Eventually, the two made it back to their LOVING parents...  
  
Lina and Gourry: Mom! Dad! WE'RE BAAAAACK!!!!  
  
Zel and Amelia: *hair standing up on end* AAAAAAAH!!!!  
  
Kim: ...and they lived happily ever after....  
  
Lina: Mom, Dad, we're out of food!  
  
Gourry: *eating crumbs off his plate*  
  
Zel and Amelia: *crying in the corner* ....We had it all....we were so close....  
  
  
Kim: ...well....sort of...  
  
THE END 


End file.
